Humor

 “DEFINITIONS SIMILIAR FOR FOOTBALL AND RELIGION”

By Quig Nielsen

                “Is there really such a game as Christian football? In my E-Mail recently was an unusual set of definitions for terms familiar to fans and players in NFL, college, and most high school football. These Christian football explanations immediately caught my attention bringing many little chuckles to me, so maybe you, if you’ve not seen them, might enjoy them too.

As I read it over, I concluded this could easily apply to Latter-day Saint or Mormon football. Not that we Mormons aren’t Christians, because we certainly are, but many of the expressions here are similar to those we would make. Some of the definitions:

Benchwarmer: Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

Backfield-In-Motion: Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

Staying In The Pocket: What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.

Quarterback Sneak: Church members quietly leaving during the invocation.

Two-Minute Warning: The point at which you realize the talk is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Halftime: The period between Sunday School and (sacrament meeting) worship when many choose to leave.

Draw Play: What many children do with the church (ward) bulletin during worship.

Instant Replay: The speaker loses his notes and falls back on last week’s Sunday School lesson.

Trap: You’re called on to pray and you are asleep.

Sudden Death: What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the speaker goes into “overtime”.

End Run: Getting out of church quickly, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

Defense: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the meeting to affect your life.

Halfback Option: The decision of 50 or more of the congregation not to wait for (sacrament meeting).           

Blitz: The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.